What's wrong with me? --- What's this kingdom stuff?

Asked God once last Sunday morning before church at home while devotioning, once at church listening to sermon, once yesterday/day before walking from Roma street train station to Suncorp Brisbane Sq – “what’s wrong with me?!?!?!” “Lord, what’s exactly wrong with me???!!!?!” Cuz there was a blockage between me and God so that I feel like I’m not in Him, something intuitively not quite right.

 

The Lord answered – “bin your righteousness. Wear mine.” (see previous few posts blogged today)

 

Now I know what’s wrong with me.

 

So then... the heavenly Kingdom. Pawson said it’s Jesus’ favourite preaching topic. So... what’s this kingdom stuff all about??

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Which part of me should I change...?

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I don’t think i have to change my personality, Lord, just gotta change my approach.**

 

The Lord, “you do that.”

 

**Just like apostle Peter, how he’s impulsive/quick/rash/quick to respond... God didn’t tell him to change into who he’s not (although God changes man to become more mellow over time), but to direct his impulsive/quick/rash/quick response towards Him – towards what He’s gotta say and what He desires for Peter to do in His Name.

 

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(From Lecrae: Invisible)

 

~I’m dying to serve you,

~and I’m living to know you!

 

à I’m dying, Lord. The me that always says ‘look at me’. That me is dying, Lord, so that i can live to know you.

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The content of this e-mail is the view of the sender or stated author and does not necessarily reflect the view of Suncorp. The content, including attachments, is a confidential communication between Suncorp and the intended recipient. If you are not the intended recipient, any use, interference with, disclosure or copying of this e-mail, including attachments, is unauthorised and expressly prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error please contact the sender immediately and delete the e-mail and any attachments from your system.

Had mercy

For a while now, my focus has been on several things. Sure, God was one of the important things, but God will question me as to my real motive for ministry -- not that it is not leading people to Christ or building people up n gaining deeper faith n be able to face persecution, w while being in a position of authority enough to preach it fully. As I listened to David Pawson's Romans B today, God taught me that my righteousness will do me no good in getting me into heaven, and that I need to repent of even my good deeds, not just my bad ones, because my good deeds n my righteousness might be the biggest barrier/ blockage between me and God. And that we should pray for God's mercy, "dear Lord, have mercy on me". When I repented n did that, the gates of heaven flung open wide, n immediately felt something fill me n live in me again, like the connection of a grape vine back to its tree, and my heart was full. It became peaceful n calm.

Despite knowing all these wishes to do something for Him, God asked me, "...what exactly do you want to do for Me?" And I realised that I had it all wrong. I was wanting human authority n position n title to preach the gospel, was wanting to come as someone more better to teach those not so good. Was trying to draw people to me instead of to Christ. But now I realise-- all my goods deeds will help those around me, but it will do me no help at all for my salvation n that I really really need to bin my righteousness n let God share with me His righteousness in Christ through Christ n His Holy Spirit gently. To clothe me in His, and there is no need to produce my own.

So here is my new focus -- to help people get into the Kingdom of God, clothed in his righteousness,  n then at the peripheral also include training people up deeply rooted, in prep for persecution... n all those other sub-goals where focus is God.

To preach a message that the bad people hear, and good people likely don't really like to hear cuz if they did, then they'll find out they are not good enough, n that good or bad, we both need Christ.


Sent from Samsung Mobile

Repent

Lord, pls help me repent of my good deeds lest I go to hell with it.

Sent from Samsung Mobile

Mercy

Lord, please give me your mercy, lest I die along with my righteousness....

Sent from Samsung Mobile

Discount Unwind -- Concept behind it and catering for mid quarter discount rates

Having a hard time trying to figure out the Premium Liabilities change of basis table currently updating for valn report...

Courtesy of BobA...

Xuan

how does discount unwinding work

4:11 PM    BobA

if theres a claim in 5 years time worth $100 undiscounted, then at 4% pa then itll b worth say $80 discounted (roughly)

at t = 0

then

at t = 1 (ie. this time next year)

itll b worth $100 undiscounted at 4% pa = $84

coz its only 4 years away now

so the 4% increase over the year due to shorter timeframe is the discount unwind

at t = 2 itll b $88, etc.

so it constantly unwinds until payment date at t = 5

and by then all the discounting has unwound, so $100 = undiscounted = discounted

4:14 PM   Xuan

mm....

so...

i have this set of discount rates

4:14 PM   BobA

yep

what timeframe r u unwinding it over?

4:15 PM   Xuan

gimme a sec, lemme find it

\SUNRollforward1109_bal.xlsx, inputs tab, I03

so what i dont understand is that MC/TL seem to use one quarter more than they need to

and take the average of two,

so to calculate the discount unwind

between 1109 and now

they dont use time 0 and time 1's discount rate

they use time 1 and time 2

and then average time 1 and time 2 discount rate

and use that rate to unwind the PL discounting

4:22 PM   Xuan

hmmm

i think i get it now

it's just to cater for this dodgy thing how they have all the discount rates as mid quarter

4:24 PM   BobA

i think we do something similar

doz the rates r in the middle of the period.. so the avg of the next 2 periods (t = 1 & t = 2) is actually (0.5 + 1.5) / 2

4:26 PM  Xuan

which is one year since prev valn...

For mid quarter discount rates adopted, here’s how it works:

Say now is 1112, and prev valn is 1109.

Using 1109 discount rates adopted, Since time 0 (t0) stands for 0.125 since 1109 and time 1 (t1) = 0.375 since 1109 then average of that is:

(0.125+0.375)/2 = 0.25, which gives us one full quarter since 1109 --> i.e. brings us to end of quarter 1112.

So for two quarters since prev valn, say now is 1203, prev valn is 1109, we want:

use 1109 discount rates adopted,

t1 = 0.375yrs since 1109

t2 = 0.625yrs since 1109,

avg is (0.375 + 0.625)/2 = 0.5, which brings us one full half year since 1109 to end-of-quarter 1203 present value.

So we can then use a table of discount rates such as below, and take {[1/(avg of t1 & t2 rate) +1 ]^0.5 -1} multiplied by the PL from last time (1109, at 1109$) to see the impact of the discount unwinding.

Discount rates: most recent forward and neutral

(inputs tab, I03)

	Pay qtr	0	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11
Time or Term		0.125	0.375	0.625	0.875	1.125	1.375	1.625	1.875	2.125	2.375	2.625	2.875
1112 Actual
	Yield	4.71%	4.72%	4.74%	4.77%	4.80%	4.83%	4.84%	4.84%	4.85%	4.85%	4.86%	4.87%
	Factor	0.994257587	0.982858475	0.97147187	0.9600265	0.94861291	0.93723311	0.926057977	0.915142276	0.904334485	0.893633824	0.8829526	0.872272563
1112 neutral from 1106
	Yield	4.71%	4.72%	4.74%	4.77%	4.80%	4.83%	4.84%	4.84%	4.85%	4.85%	4.86%	4.87%
	Factor	0.994257587	0.982858475	0.97147187	0.9600265	0.94861291	0.93723311	0.926057977	0.915142276	0.904334485	0.893633824	0.8829526	0.872272563
1112 neutral from 1012
	Yield	5.24%	5.32%	5.40%	5.48%	5.51%	5.51%		5.53%	5.54%	5.55%	5.56%	5.58%
	Factor	0.993637918	0.980743966	0.96766241	0.9544057	0.94143812	0.92890983	#VALUE!	0.903969773	0.891671187	0.879547438	0.867499952	0.855530143

給我敬重的男生的一封書信 (女生也可以偷看啦) ^_^

on Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 5:40pm ·
Posted this on my facebook notes, but might post it on my blog too
(Revised this note after I repented from being too off with the fairies, I like this note better now)

要勇敢！！要興起！！起來吧! 起來吧! 要沉睡到幾時呢？

 

昨天我們在團契看了Courageous (勇敢) 的這部電影. 看完了, 深有感觸... 寫在了我的blog上, 這裡就不重復了... 但是, 我想寫一篇文章給我敬重的弟兄們:

 

男 生們, 其實悄悄地想告訴你一個秘密 -- 每位女生心裡的深處都有一個從內心打底 長久的呼喊：　我們女生真的需要你在主裡面勇敢興起當我們的領袖, 克服, 不再躲, 堅強, 不逃避, 保護我們, 大膽承擔與面對! 其實超過要錢或物質的享受, 女生們更渴慕, 更需要的 是一位勇敢, 堅強, 憑著上帝的原則而有定見, 遇到困難的時候敢負責, 敢一起面對, 能冷靜處事, 一起渡過風浪的白馬王子. 他不需要很聰明, 不需要很帥, 也不需要很有錢, 也不需要甚麼都行, 也不需要很會說話, 反倒女生們看見他因敬畏神而擁有真智慧, 因認識神而擁有真聰明, 他因順服神而有能力領導她也行義路, 因為聽從神的話就清楚明白自己走對路, 因為走對路就不懼怕, 他雖有不足卻有神幫補, 能與妻子和一家一同行天路, 走窄門. 這種男生在女生眼裡是多麼地燿眼, 多麼地被羨慕?!!

 

我深深知道: 神早已在起先創世的時候就放了這樣的潛能在我敬重的男生們裡面, 雖然最近好像不見了 需要找一下 (oh woops! hehe =P), 但是畢竟仍然還在, 應該是拿出來用的時候了! ^_^ 不論你現在是不是基督徒, 都想對你說: 當你的自尊心和自己的價值是建立在耶和華祢主上時, 你就絕對會發現, 你有能力承擔 -- 因為知道你主在陪你一起扛, 不只是你一個人, 不孤單, 你就能勇敢, 天塌下來也能當被蓋, 而且, 你知道-- 天要不要塌下來 -- 還必須通過上帝的允許才可以呢! When your identity is built on His Christ, even you will not shake, for He is the unshakable rock, for His supreme statues are absolute. Built on any other foundation, and you are building yourself on things that will pass away -- that is sinking sand.. and if u stand on it, it's only inevitable that you will sink with it.

 

主耶穌說: "那能殺你的身體, 不能殺靈魂的 ，不要去怕他們；惟有能把身體和靈魂都滅在地獄裡的，正要怕祂 (--> 所以敬畏耶和華變得很重要)。 兩個麻雀不是賣一分銀子麼？若是你們的父不許，一個也不能掉在地上； 就是你們的頭髮也都被數過了。 所以，不要懼怕，你們比許多麻雀還貴重！" (馬太10)

 

你怕什麼呢? what have you got to lose? 所以, 大風啊! 你盡管吹來吧! 生命的試驗你盡管颳來吧! 我有主在我裡面, 我也在主裡面, 你吹不倒我的, 再怎麼吹, 也就只能像花一樣 吹出我園中的香氣來. 那在我裡面的, 遠比一切在世界的更大!!! (約一4:4)

 

At the end of the day, worse comes to worse, all I have is my life. And even this life is from God's one breath. Isn't that consoling? isn't that just comforting? for 我的好處斷然不在祢以外.

 

希伯來書 Hebrews 10:35-36 有說:

所以，你們不可丟棄勇敢的心；存這樣的心必得大賞賜。你們必須忍耐，使你們行完了神的旨意，就可以得著所應許的。

你務要至死忠心，我就賜給你那生命的冠冕。（啟二10)

 

基 督徒啊, 興起吧! 興起吧! 勇敢地與神同行, 得回你當人原本的本位, 又得著上帝兒子(女兒)的尊貴名份. 你是神國度的王子(或公主 -- 正在偷看的女生們...). 真的. 而且當基督再來的時候, 我們就算死了也會復活, 第二次回到這世上來作統領者1000 年. 所以既然蒙召，行事為人就當與蒙召的恩相稱 (弗4), 要配得過, 不要忘了神給你的這個有君尊的身份. ^_^

 

希望讀了這篇書信, 男生們心裡能燃起之前沒有的火-- 真的站立起來, cuz God made u wild, yo, neva meant for you to be a captive. 加油!

 

~Esther ^_^

敬上

P.S: 女生若讀完了也讚同這個看法的話, 記得"Like" !!