Had mercy

For a while now, my focus has been on several things. Sure, God was one of the important things, but God will question me as to my real motive for ministry -- not that it is not leading people to Christ or building people up n gaining deeper faith n be able to face persecution, w while being in a position of authority enough to preach it fully. As I listened to David Pawson's Romans B today, God taught me that my righteousness will do me no good in getting me into heaven, and that I need to repent of even my good deeds, not just my bad ones, because my good deeds n my righteousness might be the biggest barrier/ blockage between me and God. And that we should pray for God's mercy, "dear Lord, have mercy on me". When I repented n did that, the gates of heaven flung open wide, n immediately felt something fill me n live in me again, like the connection of a grape vine back to its tree, and my heart was full. It became peaceful n calm.

Despite knowing all these wishes to do something for Him, God asked me, "...what exactly do you want to do for Me?" And I realised that I had it all wrong. I was wanting human authority n position n title to preach the gospel, was wanting to come as someone more better to teach those not so good. Was trying to draw people to me instead of to Christ. But now I realise-- all my goods deeds will help those around me, but it will do me no help at all for my salvation n that I really really need to bin my righteousness n let God share with me His righteousness in Christ through Christ n His Holy Spirit gently. To clothe me in His, and there is no need to produce my own.

So here is my new focus -- to help people get into the Kingdom of God, clothed in his righteousness,  n then at the peripheral also include training people up deeply rooted, in prep for persecution... n all those other sub-goals where focus is God.

To preach a message that the bad people hear, and good people likely don't really like to hear cuz if they did, then they'll find out they are not good enough, n that good or bad, we both need Christ.


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